Season’s Change

As the season is about to change, I think of all the things that happen. As we head into fall, summer vacations are over and the kids head back to school. Football’s in high gear. It’s starting to get colder in the mornings and dark sooner in the evenings. It has been almost eight months since my daughter died. I’d be telling a fib if I said I didn’t still miss her immensely. It would be a lie to say that I didn’t still cry almost everyday. But, it is getting a little easier for me as time goes by. When someone you love dies, a piece of you dies with them. You have to get to a place where when you think of them it does not make you sad. When you think of them and their memory, you feel the love instead of the pain of losing them. No one can say or do anything that can stop the pain you feel. You have to remain strong and remember that your loved one loved you and they would want you to be happy. The last time I had seen most of my family was at my daughter’s funeral and I recently seen a lot of them at my sister’s wedding. It was beautiful and such a joyous time. I was so happy for my sister and to see my loved ones, but, my daughter’s presence was strongly missed. How could my sister get married and she not be there? How weird. I know my family was glad to see me still in one piece but, I could tell that they wanted to feel me out first before they engaged in conversation with me. Weird. But, I guess what I’m saying is, I made it through that day and only time helped me. When I look back to the day she died, I was such a mess! I probably would have been too sad to even go to my sister’s wedding if it was right after Aris’ death. I can only be concerned with how I react to my daughter’s death because I cannot change that she’s gone. I will continue to honor her memory and get myself back one day at a time as the seasons change.

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