Archive | December 2013

2013 is coming to an end

As 2013 comes to an end, my very first thought is, Thank God! This has been the most difficult year of my life. Only by the grace of God am I here! I lost my only child and life as I knew it forever changed. This journey has been long and hard. She passed away in January and I wanted the year to be over with right there in the first month of the year. Almost a year has passed and I still just miss my girl everyday. I cry a lot less but, I still cry. I’m learning how to live with her not being here. I am learning that I must go on even if only to honor her legacy. 2013 has taught me so much about family, friendship, and faith. I learned that each day really is a gift from God. I learned that everything that I thought I knew, I really didn’t. I learned that I am way stronger than I ever thought I was. 2013 is coming to an end, but my new journey for Aris and myself is just beginning!

Happy Birthday Aris B. !!!!!

Happy Birthday Aris!

I love you but miss you more. You were one of the most gentle and sweetest people I ever did know! Your great sense of humor and compassion for others will never be forgotten.  You changed my life when I had you.  I always thought that I was supposed to teach you but, I was the one who ended up learning so much about life from you.  You were ahead of the game, seeing people for who they were and not what they looked like or had.  When you spoke people listened because it was always a wise thought or kind gesture.   You gave me great independence and purpose.   You always gave me a reason to keep it moving and to know at the end of the day that we were going to be alright.   You never judged me or anyone else and a person could just be themselves around you.   You were good at just about everything you did and I was oh so envious of that!  Your friends and family remember you everyday because you always did matter to us.  We all dream of seeing you again one day and picking up right where we left off!  I’m on my way to get some red velvet cake and some ice cream so we can party like it’s ya birthday. .go shorty its ya birthday. .Happy birthday beautiful I’m still kickin it for ya!  

Mom

Gone but NEVER forgotten

Aris would be 20 years old tomorrow, December 17th. I have a huge array of emotions.  I am feeling like I want to celebrate.  I feel like I want her to be here.  I want to hear her sweet little voice one more time.  I want people to remember just how special she was.  I want to scream from the rooftops telling the whole world, “I JUST MISS MY GIRL!!!”  I want to smile.  I want to cry.  I want to laugh at a fun time we shared together.  I want to be “Aris’  Mom” as her friends would call me again. I want to make plans with her for next year’s birthday when she would be 21.  I want to honor her memory with dignity and grace.  I want to eat a piece of cake and enjoy the guilty pleasure.  I want people to know this is a hard journey and even greater testimony.  I want to dream and imagine we are together again and all the pain and sadness has subsided, and all I feel is comfort and love.  I want to be an example of a woman moving on after a horrible loss.  I want to play an oldie but goodie me and Aris use to ride to and reminisce about good times.  Join me tomorrow and wear your funniest, wildest, one of a kind pair of socks. Its my quiet way of celebrating Aris’ birthday.  She loved whacky warm socks.  She may begone, but NEVER FORGOTTEN!  Much love always!

Love is still around you

Love is still around you. You just have to look for it! I might not be much into the Christmas Spirit but just going outside and looking around I can see the love. The love of Christmas, the love of decorating, the love of the season, and mostly the love of family. I see dads climbing on ladders hanging lights and moms putting reefs on doors. It makes me remember that I still have mad love inside me and that’s truly worth living for! I might be going through the most difficult season in my life but the love remains. The love I feel for my daughter goes way beyond her physical death, it goes way beyond time and pain. It’s unconditional and always and I am and was blessed for being able to experience a bond like that! After the pain, the love is still there to comfort you. Even though I’m grieving, I know I am a stronger person, a more compassionate woman, and have reached the pinnacle of love that most people will only dream of!

This entry was posted on December 5, 2013. 1 Comment