Archive | January 2014

Becoming Rock Solid

I got some much needed encouragement from church on Sunday.  I thought I’d pass on the good news.  The pastor gave keys to focus on being a rock solid person.  Be a determined person, be willing to dig deep, and lastly, do not quit.  You have the capacity to grow and can always be transformed.  In my life, I am determined to find ways to encourage and support those young adults afflicted with mental illness.  I am willing to dig deep in research, in raising awareness, and in doing my part to stop the stigma by telling my journey for Aris.  Finally, I will remain steadfast and dedicated to understanding how to reach someone with mental illness.  I will not quit until sufferers know they have resources and truly help is on the way!!!! 

“If you can for…

“If you can forgive the person you were, accept the person that you are, and believe in the person you will become, you are headed to joy. So celebrate your life.”

Barbara Johnson

Miss you much!

I miss you

More than words can say

Each moment I breathe

I think of you each day

My heart weighs heavy

Cause you’re not with me

Since you been gone

I don’t know how I should be

I can only cherish all of

The memories we shared

I have to go on

Damn, life’s not fair

All l ever wanted you to know

Is that I loved you then, now, and forever

Always my love grows

 

To ArisImage

Year One

It has been a solid year since Aris passed away. Do you really want to know how I feel? My feelings have not changed so what I’m telling you has to be the truth. Losing your only child is the most awful thing in life. Learning to live without her is even harder!!! Honestly, I feel like I love her even more! Sounds weird, I know. I quit thinking about if Aris would have lived because that’s not what’s going on.  I think about how sweet and soft spoken she was. I think of her laugh.  I think about laying on the couch and us watching a movie. I think about asking her what could I have done to stop the pain she was in without her taking her life. I think about understanding mental illness. I think about how I thought I knew so much about life because I had raised a daughter but you really find out about life when you lose a child. I see how a parent could lose themselves.  I see how you could want to give up. You do see that you are wayyyy stronger than you ever could be so when the grieving stops, sky really is the limit! I.did end up having a loving family who supported me every step of the way.  I really did pick the best friends a girl could ever have. They are still seeing me through. Time is the answer to most.  And love is truly always if its real. I’m sure year one or one year sounds like it’s all over the place. That’s because it was/is. Imagine being me and living it! 

Dedicated to Ms. Aris B. 1993-2013

Redirect

So you are having a bad day.  Now its starting to snowball into an awful day.  Work was bad but, your night class was worse.  Then you got home and now your boyfriend wants to argue about something dumb.  What do you do?  Redirect!  I was talking to my friends this weekend and seems that collectively, 2013 sucked.  We all had things happen in our lives that made us so look forward to 2014.  Lets use me for example.  I lost my only child in 2013 suddenly.  I spent most of the year just trying to grieve my loss and figure out how to begin my new life.  Obviously, I have many emotions and thoughts surrounding her death.  I can start off just missing her, then I’ll cry that I can’t talk to her again.  Then I’ll start thinking of things I wanted us to do or I wanted for her life.  By the time I get to this thought, I’m sad and feeling bad.  Here’s where the redirect comes in.  I have to say, yes, I miss her, but she’s doing better than I am in heaven.  Thank God he allowed me to spend as much time with her as I did.  I can talk to her again, just now, in a different way.  I can tell her about the things I’m doing with my nonprofit and how I’m trying daily to honor her spirit and help other young adults with mental health issues.  I can think of all the places I wanted to go with her and now focus on actually going.  I can leave something of hers there and tell her my vision of it.  I can try to live my life better each day and prepare my soul so when its time we can be together again!  see, I’m already feeling better and all I did was redirect! 

Today’s blog is dedicated to Tiffinae and Leah.  Thanks for listening and helping me learn to redirect!

This entry was posted on January 13, 2014. 1 Comment

New Year, New You?

2014 is here.  Now, what are you going to?  Are you going to do the same things that you did last year?  Are you going to have some new year’s resolutions?  Are you still going to put off taking that trip?  Are you still window shopping for that same pair of shoes that just won’t go on sale?  This year, I want to inspire you to be new!  New in the friendships you have, new in your career, and new with your spirit.  If you keep going on with the same routine, how will you ever get new results?  I’m not saying reinvent yourself but, make some small changes where you can see the newness.  For instance, if all you do with your boyfriend socially is go out to eat, why don’t you try shaking things up with a dance lesson or maybe even go to a fun center and ride the go carts.  These can be new experiences and memories with the common ingredient still being you!  We are suppose to evolve a little bit as the seasons continually change so start off this year with your hopes and dreams renewed.  For me, I’m doing everything I can to find the joy in life.  I’m dedicated to laughing more and taking myself so seriously less.  So, on that note, right now, I’ll laugh out loud because this makeup job I’m wearing today looks like it was done by a cosmetology student at Choffin Career Center!

Happy New Year!

I’m very excited that we made it to 2014!  Happy New Year! The possibilities of what this year may bring and what I look forward to doing is all very encouraging.  I haven’t made any resolutions but, I am making a conscious effort to seek the joy out of life.  I have to go in a new direction.  I have to be ready for change and open to new things.  I want to remember Aris and smile. I want to cry less. I want to feel her spirit and quiet strength. I want to focus on the love versus the pain.  I want to be better at being the new me, with Aris’ spirit echoing inside me.  I want to make her proud of me and this road less taken that my journey encompasses.  I’m definitely looking for laughter and refuse to take myself so serious.  A new year brings anticipation of what will happen.  I’ve decided to make things happen! Happy New Year!

This entry was posted on January 1, 2014. 1 Comment